Here's Your New ID

I forgot to mention, I can no longer drive. Haven't been able to since 2015. It was my most difficult thing to give up. I had been driving for 20 years, and that was my biggest source of independence. I wasn't going down without a fight though. I would try to make situations difficult for Joel to get me to an appointment so that I could drop him off at work and then drive to them myself. Then, I would have the rest of the day to use it and I would have to go pick him up.

Was it irresponsible? Was it dangerous to others? Yes. It was the biggest drug I had, more addicting than any of my medications. There were a lot. I couldn't let it go, I couldn't handle the withdraw of driving. It's a real thing.


In 2017, my license expired. Yes that one. My actual DRIVER'S LICENSE. You know, the one that gave me the right to drive?? The right to drive as long as I wasn't busted for a suspended license. There wasn't a doctor in the world that would sign me off to drive anymore. Damn. If there was ever a photo I wish I could have kept on my license it's that one!




Since I was 16, I never smiled in a driver's license picture. This one, it just read pissed off bitch. I was finally losing my right to any independence. When you're under the age of 18 your driver's license is vertical. That 16 year old me could drive though. Totally hate her. I went in to get my Identification Card. Otherwise known as the no right to drive card. I already hate going to the DMV, but it was about to give me the ultimate defeat. It was official, my driving days were done.

Joel's hope out of this RNS surgery is for me to start driving again. He hates driving, I love it and was one of the best drivers I knew. what sick irony. I was more enthused about having kids, but sure we can make driving the biggest celebration.

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