SU WHAT??!!

My mom hasn't seen me have a CRY CRY in a long time. I mean a LONG ass time. So I'm sure she'll be bawling as mom's do when they're child cries. As DeDe says, it's an ugly cry. Sometimes we need an ugly cry. So it's okay DeDe if you have an ugly cry 😄

Here are the links I promised:

Danny Did Founders

Meet Danny

Danny Did SUDEP Awareness

NY Times SUDEP

Epilepsy Foundation Learn SUDEP Early

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

Where There's A Will, There's A Way

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

Side Effects May Include...

"You have to lose your mind to keep your mind."

-ME 

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

This Brain

This is the look of pain inside this brain. Bam! Shakespeare!

But this is a better look than how it really feels.

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

Instructions Attached

I've been watching way too many of America's Next Top Model re-runs lately. See how I make sure to elongate my neck Tyra??

No mom I'm still not Poppy. If you've seen the kids movie Trolls my mom is the living version of Poppy. Spunky, happy, overly optimistic. Plus her favorite color is PINK! One of my mom's co-workers wants my mom to teach her how to be Poppy. I told my mom that she can't cause my mom is the only Poppy there can be. *Tender Moment!*

There's my mom just floating through a rainbow land of positivity. When she wants me to be super optimistic like her she will say, "Remember be Poppy, not Branch!" There's only room for one Poppy in this family! But room for lots and lots of Branches. Branch is the dull, glass half empty, worse case scenario guy. I'm not not a dude. I am one of the living Branches in this family.

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

Watch Your Step

Well...if they're is one. A real one. 

If you want to see an unflattering angle, this one was it. 😄

Until tomorrow, Ciao!


DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

Don't You Remember??

Here comes the quote of the day, I think it's funny:

Note to Self: 
Write a note to remind myself of 
where I put the last note I wrote.

Oh memory, how I took you for granted. I didn't think I would have these issues until my 80s. Pretty sure someone in their 80s were more on the ball than I am these days. If you experience these problems or something close to what I'm about to give you, well see you're not the only one. NO it's not just something that WE ALL do. I loath that response. 

Making those posted videos are actually pretty difficult for me. I have to try and organize my thoughts and keep them more than usual. When I have a conversation in person or on the phone I have some serious Rain Man moments. Just the speech, not the exceptional knowledge. 

I stutter. I start speaking then.......................about that long of a pause. Finding words is a nightmare. You know the scene in Titanic when Rose is trying to say propeller? She keeps making the motion of the propellers to try and get the word out. Well I do that about 100+ times a day. Not all come from an absence seizure either. It's permanent. 

I misplace things ALL the time! For a week I kept putting the milk in the cupboard. Then I would see the fridge and realize that I had just put the damn milk in the damn cupboard. Joel will ask me where I put something. I give him that 'deer in the headlights' look. Wait for it, wait for it...."OH! I put your hat upstairs on the couch." Does that seem like a logical location? Now he just puts it on the dresser. 

Wait, what were we talking about? Oh my memory! 😂

This is what happens most of the day. Even more so when no one is home. I start thinking of something I need to do or get. I might pace between the kitchen to the living room. The living room to the bedroom. The bedroom back up to the living room. The bedroom to halfway up the stairs, then back down to the bedroom. This maze chase happens at least twice a day.

"Gabby, what are you doing?" 

"I was going to get something out of the kitchen."

"Well what are you looking for?"

"IF I KNEW I WOULDN'T BE PACING BACK AND FORTH!"

Something like that. I get so pissed when I can't remember what the fuh I'm doing. There's so many stupid little things that mess up my day too, too bad I can't remember them right now.

I'm surprised Joel hasn't had to make a missing persons call. If I didn't take Pepper on walks, that's probably how it would go. So who's really walking who?? I think Pepper is walking her Mommy. So sad. good thing she's so smart. She's like SUPER PEPPERS!!!! 

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

Daughter to Father

I haven't been able to talk much about my Dad. What a better day to do so. My dad, also had a difficult childhood. It is something he has carried on his shoulders for decades. Why not put two people together with jacked up childhoods? Sometimes, those make the best relationships. Sometimes. 

Let's move on to how my dad is a truly loving Dad. His 'tough love' approach was difficult but did come from a place of love. He just didn't know what other way to love. We're getting ahead though. 

When I was born, the home videos showed how much he loved me. I had stolen his heart. I was so sweet, so grateful, so polite, and so loving. Not just bragging, I really was. When he would be recording Christmas morning, you heard it in his voice. I would be opening presents and he would ask "What'd you get baby doll?" It was in this voice that if you looked at him first glance you would not believe it was him. 

My dad has a lot of nicknames for us, he has called us 'babe' since the beginning of time. I don't know where he got that or why but it's just stuck. If you were trying to get his attention, once you did he would say "Ya babe?" 

Each kid that was born, there was no doubt how much he loved us. Especially, that little Justice. I think as each kid grew older and a new kid popped in, he was able to spread out that love better to the younger ones. It's like when you hit a certain age, there's a different kind of love he expresses. It's the tough love. Especially, if you are in a sport. 

As much tough love he shows, the point is that he loves you. He's very protective of his children. There's nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. No matter how old we are. When we were young, holy hell, he would mess you up coming to close to the fence. His love, has been the other half of how we were all molded into the great kids that we are. 

He wanted us to be great at anything we did. We wanted to be great successes. He wanted us to excel in every aspect he knew we could. I used to bitter, but now that I'm older and wiser, I understand why he pushed us the way we did. Naturally, he had ambitions and felt we would all go on to have successful careers he could be proud of.

I was on the track to be a public servant. Wanting to make a difference in the judicial system and for victims. Wherever that would take me, could only take me to a higher level. Not everything works out how you plan. When I graduated High School, he was so proud to have his daughter walk across the stage of the school he has taught at for so long. I had honors and a great GPA that gave a little bit of a smile. I was in the top 150 of my class. That's an accomplishment by the way considering the amount of students.  

He wasn't the happiest about me being two hours away for college. I do believe he thought that the more he mentioned he couldn't do anything when I was two hours away, that it would somehow bring me home. I did eventually for a little while but still. Most parents can't wait for all their kids to be out of the house. Mine, keep trying to bring us all back. 

Dad, worked very hard to work for his Master's Degrees. Correction, two Master's Degrees. He took me to classes sometimes too. I just sat there drawing, like I was taking notes. What a good girl. 

He was very driven to giving his kids what he felt he had lacked from his own childhood. Holidays especially. Sports too. He felt that if he could have us train with college players, it would be something he was never able to have. 

We were never ungrateful. 

When my seizure situation escalated, I could tell there was a higher sense of guilt. The gene came from him and I was suffering. I know he has shown that since I was diagnosed. It was hard for him to take head on. It still is. It's outside of his control, and I think that's made it more difficult. 

I want to say with all the love in my heart...Dad, it's not your fault. 

We love you Dad! Happy Father's Day!

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

How Should I Look?

Any face can have epilepsy, and they're all beautiful, yep even that one below. So how can you say "You don't look like you have epilepsy?" When you didn't even know. 

So how would you like me to look, to make sure you know that I have epilepsy? Please, let me make YOUR day easier.

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

We Need Couples Therapy

 

Here's today's quote from strokeofgrace.blogspot.com

YOU CAN'T SEE IT, BUT I CAN 

DEFINITELY FEEL IT.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, 

BUT IT'S WHAT I KNOW...I DEAL WITH IT ON A DAILY BASIS.

YOU EITHER THINK I'M LAZY OR YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME, BUT I'M STRONGER THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW. I FIGHT EVERY DAY. I DON'T WANT YOUR SYMPATHY--

I JUST WANT TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT. I WANT TO  FEEL BETTER. 

I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE.

You guys get a break from my voice, just not my face! I became very philosophical today. I sound ridiculous on video when I get deep in thought. That quote sounds like something you would read in a domestic violence pamphlet. See I'm covering up my black eye with my sunglasses (no, not really). 

***I am not belittling domestic violence, it's very serious***

Let's paint a picture of the comparison. Put yourself into this little play we're going to have. Your significant other's name is Epilepsy. Gabriella and Epilepsy are in the middle of a huge argument! One of those arguments that wakes up all of the neighbors. Then they go stand on the edge of their yards and a few of them have phones waiting to call the cops. 

Epilepsy is up in my face and I'm in Epilepsy's. We started throwing some blows at each other. For 25 years we've been going at this. After this argument, I was just worn out. Epilepsy was still ready for more. I told him, "Look, I don't have the energy to fight with you like this anymore. We're getting too damn old for this. I think we should go to Couples Therapy."

There we are sitting in the lobby of the therapists office. I look at the pamphlet and see that quote. At that moment our names were called. We get into the office and the therapist has us read our lists about what our partner has done to us.

Epilepsy goes first. He starts reading; "My partner: has yelled at me, tried to push me away, and tries to get rid of me with pills."

Long ass list isn't it. Stupid mutha...

Doctor asks me to go next. "My partner: broke my nose, made me self conscious, hurt my head, scraped my body, knocked me out, weakened my bones, made my joints and muscles sore, has messed up my nerves, has made me weak, has made me scared, has made me tired, makes me emotional, has bruised me, has cut me, makes it hard for me to breathe, makes it hard for me to hear, and makes it harder everyday." This was only part of the list, in total mine took about 30 minutes to read.

Epilepsy was so mad and embarrassed. The therapist confirmed what I already knew. Our relationship was toxic and full of pure abuse. 

Epilepsy is what you call a 'batterer,' the 'abuser.' They don't like using the word 'victim' anymore. I'm not anyways. I just put up with his shit, day in and day out. That makes me stronger than him. The therapist gave us a list of workshops to go to. Epilepsy didn't want to hear about it. 

We went anyways. He thought we would NEVER EVER be able to get a divorce. He was attached to me, down to the nerves of my brain. A couple of the workshops let us know of a few options to let us go our separate ways. Nobody wanted to see us together. Nobody ever did.

It was the first time I realized that this relationship has been abusive the whole time. When you meet Epilepsy, you don't even understand why this relationship started and hasn't ended. It's like an arranged marriage, except you don't grow on each other. Epilepsy is one of those crazy partners that puts a GPS on your car, while following you in their car, and calls you 40 times a day.

Not everyone has the opportunity to divorce Epilepsy, but if it's even an option you do whatever can be done to make it happen. Epilepsy will never treat you how you want from that quote. Epilepsy is the reason those quotes are made.

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

What A Day Gab Had

I was so damn tired I couldn't even put the videos in the correct order. Sorry about that, my rested brain fixed it. 

I finally slept for a few hours after we saw that ridiculous movie. I kept falling asleep on Joel's shoulder. Finally, I told him I had to go get some sugar just to make it through the rest of that movie. I couldn't waste the cost of movie tickets now could I? I wouldn't have missed much if I had gone to sleep though. Once we got home, I was just barely managing to stay awake. I sat on the bed, tried responding to my mom, I was texting all sorts of gibberish before I was able to just say I was taking a nap. I text Alyssa first just out of the blue to let her know I was taking a nap. Ya, she hadn't asked.

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

I'm Fine

It's funny the way you're face can tell someone how you feel. 

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

WEGO

Sorry about all of the videos, this thing only allows you to upload 100 MB which makes life difficult. It's good to be back!

Here is the link for the WEGO Nomination I talked about.

I am very honored to be nominated to begin with.

WEGO Nomination

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

There's No Crying In Baseball

There's no crying in softball either. By the way, I'm fully aware that UCLA was knocked out of the World Series. They're still my team, and they still have 12 titles. I was determined to go there and play softball. Full scholarship for sure. See they took a picture of me with my jersey and everything! Who am I kidding? You guys have read the last 25 years of my life, you would have noticed if I had played for the Bruins. I've only talked about my athletics briefly. I'm going to do it again. Kind of. Softball was what I was born to play. There were major concerns after I was diagnosed. However, I was a catcher, how much more protection did I need? The shins were safe, the goodies were protected, my face was shatter proof, and my noggin was bullet proof. Actually, I'm positive that a bullet could go through my catcher's helmet.

Softball was one of, if not THE greatest outlet after all this shit happened. I was actually encouraged to be a beast; well a bitch. Twelve years old, and I'm cussing out my teammates for picking effing flowers in the effing outfield. Yes, I said the uncensored version. A lot. I was a scary mother effer. It wasn't just that I was mean, I had this presence. I don't think it was just the seizure meds and frustration alone. I am Italian. Just in case you haven't picked that up, 32 posts later.

I was good. I was damn good. For a while. Absence seizures can cause you to get a strike, forget to get out of the way of a bad pitch, and miss blocking a bad pitch. I could play through an injury, an absence seizure didn't give me the choice. It just made me look ridiculous.

I knew after my Sophomore year, that my career was over. I had the perfect set up. I would be the starting catcher my Junior year. Since we couldn't afford private school anymore, my dream of going to UCLA was gone.

Going to a new school is hard enough. This was my third transfer now. Our catcher was in the position I had at the private school. She was the starting catcher and one of the best I had ever seen. Our coach was awesome. He knew about the epilepsy after I made the team. He knew the skill level I had, he just had to put me somewhere. He put me in the outfield.

Being an outfielder has been severely underrated through the years. As a kid, you were put in the outfield because you weren't good enough to play the infield. When you get older you realize it's importance so I was still happy with that. What I wasn't happy about was feeling so naked and unprotected without my gear.

If I were to have an absence seizure in the outfield and get smacked in the head or face, it would be bad. Fortunately this didn't happen. What did happen though on several occasions is I would be in the outfield ready to go. Wham! Girl hits the ball right between first and second that drops and rolls towards me. I was very good at running up on those and crow hopping a beautiful throw wherever it needed to go. The time that I should have started running up on the ball, I was just standing there for a few seconds. Those few seconds are crucial to be able to have a good starting run up on the ball before it gets too far into the field.

Again, I looked like a fool.


After High School and College, I desperately wanted to get back into softball somehow. While I was living at my folks, I was able to help Alyssa on the things her coach couldn't. Same with Maria. I realized that I would make a great coach. I became an assistant coach for a High School near our old house. I loved helping those girls learn new skills and improving on the ones they already had.

During some of their warm ups though, I seemed to be a target of overthrown balls. It's certainly not the cause of how I started to decline, but I don't think it helped. It didn't matter. I had found something I loved again. It was like reliving the old days, except I was going to be the awesome coach that helped their careers, unlike mine. I wasn't just making sure their skills improved, I also made sure that things going on in their lives were okay. If I was able to help them with something, I would. If they were down I had them laughing. Most the time they were just laughing at my smart ass jokes. They let me know I was their favorite throughout the season.

Sadly, I was only able to coach one season. We made a ground breaking improvement with a new coaching line up. I was so proud to be included. I hope that with all of this testing, and whatever the outcome, that I can coach again. And hopefully, I'll get to have a little girl that will want to play
softball too.

I'm on a little vacation so I'll post some new stuff Monday. Don't miss me too much!

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW

Pin Cushion

Well, my brain is going to become just that. A pin cushion. I've been pretty emotional the last few days so typing a long ass story just isn't in me right now. So, I hope you guys are good with a video. I apologize that I had to split the videos in half, you can only upload so many MBs (roll eyes). Alright, let's get it going. 

Here's the link by the way that I mention in the video. 

Implanted EEG Electrodes

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK FOLLOW TO GET UPDATES ON NEW POSTS!

FOLLOW