I haven't been able to talk much about my Dad. What a better day to do so. My dad, also had a difficult childhood. It is something he has carried on his shoulders for decades. Why not put two people together with jacked up childhoods? Sometimes, those make the best relationships. Sometimes.
Let's move on to how my dad is a truly loving Dad. His 'tough love' approach was difficult but did come from a place of love. He just didn't know what other way to love. We're getting ahead though.
When I was born, the home videos showed how much he loved me. I had stolen his heart. I was so sweet, so grateful, so polite, and so loving. Not just bragging, I really was. When he would be recording Christmas morning, you heard it in his voice. I would be opening presents and he would ask "What'd you get baby doll?" It was in this voice that if you looked at him first glance you would not believe it was him.
My dad has a lot of nicknames for us, he has called us 'babe' since the beginning of time. I don't know where he got that or why but it's just stuck. If you were trying to get his attention, once you did he would say "Ya babe?"
Each kid that was born, there was no doubt how much he loved us. Especially, that little Justice. I think as each kid grew older and a new kid popped in, he was able to spread out that love better to the younger ones. It's like when you hit a certain age, there's a different kind of love he expresses. It's the tough love. Especially, if you are in a sport.
As much tough love he shows, the point is that he loves you. He's very protective of his children. There's nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. No matter how old we are. When we were young, holy hell, he would mess you up coming to close to the fence. His love, has been the other half of how we were all molded into the great kids that we are.
He wanted us to be great at anything we did. We wanted to be great successes. He wanted us to excel in every aspect he knew we could. I used to bitter, but now that I'm older and wiser, I understand why he pushed us the way we did. Naturally, he had ambitions and felt we would all go on to have successful careers he could be proud of.
I was on the track to be a public servant. Wanting to make a difference in the judicial system and for victims. Wherever that would take me, could only take me to a higher level. Not everything works out how you plan. When I graduated High School, he was so proud to have his daughter walk across the stage of the school he has taught at for so long. I had honors and a great GPA that gave a little bit of a smile. I was in the top 150 of my class. That's an accomplishment by the way considering the amount of students.
He wasn't the happiest about me being two hours away for college. I do believe he thought that the more he mentioned he couldn't do anything when I was two hours away, that it would somehow bring me home. I did eventually for a little while but still. Most parents can't wait for all their kids to be out of the house. Mine, keep trying to bring us all back.
Dad, worked very hard to work for his Master's Degrees. Correction, two Master's Degrees. He took me to classes sometimes too. I just sat there drawing, like I was taking notes. What a good girl.
He was very driven to giving his kids what he felt he had lacked from his own childhood. Holidays especially. Sports too. He felt that if he could have us train with college players, it would be something he was never able to have.
We were never ungrateful.
When my seizure situation escalated, I could tell there was a higher sense of guilt. The gene came from him and I was suffering. I know he has shown that since I was diagnosed. It was hard for him to take head on. It still is. It's outside of his control, and I think that's made it more difficult.
I want to say with all the love in my heart...Dad, it's not your fault.
We love you Dad! Happy Father's Day!
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