Up In Smoke

This week has been taxing to say the least. There's been so many emotions and so many bad days in such a short amount of time I can't even wrap my head around it. There hasn't been time to actually focus on what is coming up. When I took this picture I thought it was so cool and I was so happy and proud that I was able to capture it. I look at it now, I still see it as beautiful and haunting. The haunting is what I see more right now.

If the last few days could be best represented by a picture, well that would be it. Completely up in smoke.

This isn't going to be a long post, just enough to get out some of what I've been feeling the last few days. There's so many things I wish I could have done differently. I can feel the weight on my chest and I don't know just how strong I can still be. I don't have the same strength as my mom.

I found this quote, and I was surprised by who said it.

"I know

God will not give

 me anything 

I can't 

handle. 

I just wish 

that He 

didn't trust me 

so much."

-Mother Teresa

Ya, a SAINT said that. Blew my damn mind. I thought of this quote all day because, it was a train wreck. 

This journey has made me see some very dark parts of myself. I've doubted the person I was, and especially the person I have become. I don't think I would say that I'm lost, but damn it I don't think I've ever been sure of who I have ever been. I saw this quote today. It was everything I had been thinking the last three days and today. 

"They say: be true to yourself 

and nothing will go wrong,

but sometimes I wonder,

how can you be true to yourself

when you don't know 

who you are anymore?"

  

-GF

Until tomorrow, Ciao 

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