From the time I left the hospital in July until today, I have had straight up anxiety and panic attacks. Why you ask? Well I had no idea what would happen at my appointments. I did all this research on the DBS and just prayed to Nana and Grandpa, please let me be able to get it.
My appointment yesterday was with Dr. Constantino; today it was with my surgeon Dr. House. I've also been extremely emotional, if you couldn't tell from my last rant. So, I've been struggling, and yesterday I was pretty numb and empty.
I was planning for the worse case scenario, that I wouldn't be a candidate for the DBS. We didn't get to discuss that very much because it's so new with the FDA and manufactures of the device for epilepsy instead of Parkinsons. That's what it's been used for.So, we discussed increasing my Aptiom, and among other things; I need to look at therapy. In a bad way. I've known that for a while but it's a must right now. I have had so many things thrown at me just before going into the hospital, and then after. That's a whole different post. I have an appointment scheduled already in October. Hopefully before then if someone would cancel theirs.
It's not anything to be ashamed of. I need a third party, no relation, to be able to get out all of my feelings and express what's going on aside from the seizure stuff. I studied psychology and sociology in college, those were my main courses and I just disregard them. Simply because I'm that hopeless romantic. I'd like to catch my breath from all of this shit. Yes, just like Kelly Clarkson's song. It's fabulous.
So my appointment with Dr. House made me feel a bit more hopeful. First, he was able to show me the X-Ray of my skull with the electrodes drilled in. It was quite impressive and pretty cool. I'm going to try getting copies so you all can see as well as the video of my seizure. I know we all want to see it!
Next, we discussed the DBS. I'll be honest, I was terrified, and the anxiety was creeping in. I asked the question, "Am I a good candidate?" One miracle at a time I suppose, but I'll take it! He said it wasn't an unreasonable option for me. He warned me that it is possible that I didn't respond well to the VNS, I may not respond well to the DBS. From what I've researched, and also what Dr. House had said, many people see improvements with the multi-focal that did not improve from the VNS.
I really don't have anything to lose at this point. The VNS made everything worse, my meds aren't completely reliable. I've been through way more pills that didn't work than the requirements to receive this kind of treatment. I'm going big or going home. I didn't go through all of these studies, tests, surgeries, and the other shit just to stop. Put that thing in my head!
The best part of the appointment: my case should be presented to the surgical board around next month. That makes for a great birthday present! However, because the device has to be made, approved, blah blah blah, the earliest that I would have the surgery would be in December. Merry Christmas! Overall, I was able to leave that office smiling and able to breath a bit better!
Ciao for now!
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